i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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