if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
