I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
