you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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