You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
