you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize