I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
