careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
