I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
