just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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