u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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