Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
