he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
