just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
