I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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