he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
