I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
