New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
