i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
