STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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