he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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