Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
