it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
