'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
