It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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