u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
this hospital has no fireball
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
