Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
