Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
