Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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