I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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