You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
