My balls are so social today.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
