Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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