Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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