Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
