You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
