oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
