My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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