i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
