I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
