Porn is love you can see.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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