Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
