the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
