Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
