Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
