my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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