oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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