I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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