Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
