Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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