i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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