There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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