I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So much Jack, so little girl.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize