I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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