"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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