why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
