I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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