I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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