Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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