this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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