i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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