He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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