how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
