meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
