can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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