I'm really into asian looking animals
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
