I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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