I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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