You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
